How To Survive #5: Understand That The Government Is Not Coming To Help You

25 10 2011

The goal of the government is to neutralize the threat to the state/country; unless you are standing next to a Senator or a billionaire, you are expendable.

An individual cop or soldier caught up in the madness may genuinely try to help

However, once members of a governmental entity arrive en mass (FBI, police, army, etc), forget about it.

Disaster at work? Your corporation won’t help either. It’s probably the reason the world is falling apart.

Like Alice, you are on your own:





How To Survive #4: Splitting Up Is A Bad Idea

20 10 2011

It’s hard for the killer to pluck you off one by one if the group stays together. No splintering off into pairs or threesomes–unless you just want to become bait. Going off by yourself is NOT a good idea.

Beware the person who wants to catch or “talk to” the monster instead of killing it. What Ms “don’t kill it” is telling you is that you are expendable. When the chips are down, she will probably err on the side of helping the thing trying to kill you.

Sharing a traumatic experience with people may make you feel closer to them. This is a lie. Do not put your life on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Do Not Do This. Ever.*

*Warning: Kelly Rowland “acting”





How To Survive #3 – The Cemetery Is Not A Hangout Spot

14 10 2011

Pay your respects and go home.

Grief can make people do irrational things. Adding alcohol and drugs to the mix and you may accidentally set yourself up to be haunted by an evil spirit.  If you’re not ready to let a loved one go, raising the dead may seem like a good idea. Remember–what goes into the ground isn’t what comes out of the ground.

Now, if you are just going to the cemetery to hang out with your friends, that’s just an invitation to danger.

Get new friends. Go Online. Read a book.

Books are sexy.





How to Survive #2 – Do Your Own Property Research

10 10 2011

There is a reason that house is so cheap.

It’s a beautiful house with a lovely garden. Yes, the neighbors all keep their distance, but look at those fabulous fireplace! It may not bother you that your dream home is the scene of several gruesome or that the previous owners called forth demons from the pentagram in the basement. Problem is, your real estate agent will probably forget to tell you. Even Worse, the agent did tell your spouse–who decided you don’t need to know. (This is grounds for a divorce. Seriously.)

Google is your friend. Put that address in the search engine and see what pops up. You have no excuse.

*Note how initial contact is made through the tv?





How to Survive #1 – Go Off The Grid (Lessons from Horror Movies)

5 10 2011

Give Up Electricity

There are waves pulsating all around us that can not be interpreted by our five senses. Electronic devices that can interpret these waves–translate them so that our senses can process them–have the potential of becoming gateways for the supernatural. Or rather, supernatural creatures can manipulate them to come into our world and frighten us to death. A cursed video tape (The Ring) is nothing without a vcr/television to view it.

If technology makes you nervous, there are lots of movies out there to feed your fears:

One Missed Call - cell phones with messages of doom

976 – Evil - automated horror-scopes come true!

Pulse – everything hooked up to electricity, even the laser printer

Or, this gem from 1989:

You’re better off just living off the land. Well, unless you have cannibals for neighbors.








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